Another Glimpse of Grace
I have been studying grace a lot the last few weeks. It has significantly changed me. It's softened me. I'm finding myself less inclined to impress God. I've risked being myself and am humbled by who that is. Anyway, I thought I'd share some more stuff I've been learning.
Forgiveness is painful.
Anyone understands that when faced with a betrayal or a hurtful comment and figuring out how to somehow let that go. You see this pain demonstrated best when Jesus was in the garden before being arrested. (1) It's tough to let things go because it just hurts so bad. I would suggest the alternative is even worse.
I recently got burned by someone I thought was a friend. (2) I never saw it coming. It completely blindsided me and has left me spinning for a few weeks now. I've went through a variety of emotions. For awhile I was angry, then confused, and now I'm saddened. I've relived all of the event over and over in my head and the same cycle of emotions just continue. It's amazing how often we can go over betrayals and hurtful moments in our heads. I feel tortured by the transgression. You want to hear the craziest part of it all? I'm positive my "friend" hasn't thought of it once.
Unforgiveness is one sided.
We hold grudges, resentment, and bitterness toward another and the whole time that person is completely unaware. They've moved on. It's not even a blip on their radar. Unforgiveness is a prison for one. We are enslaved to reliving the event and stuck in a cycle of emotions. It holds us captive while the guilty party runs free. If we stay in that prison long enough it will harden our hearts so greatly that we poison those around us.
Unforgiveness kills those around us.
Parts of my family are extremely dysfunctional. My Grandmother currently won't talk to my wife and I because we didn't pay enough attention to her 5 years ago at our 400 person wedding reception. We've tried countless times to reach out to her by sending cards, flowers, and apology letters but none of it has worked. Every time my mom visits her she retells the hurt we caused her.
My Grandmothers other daughter, Valerie, has got to be the most negative person I've ever met. When we were young, my sister and I would sit in the back of her car for hours and play a game. We'd compete to see who would be the first person to make Aunt Valerie say something positive. We'd talk about the weather or family or her hobbies and we would go hours with her without hearing a single positive comment. She would almost always revert to telling us some story about her crappy ex-husband or how her work has been mistreating her.
Aunt Valerie's only son, Billy is a sarcastically funny guy. We used to have a lot of fun together. But he slowly spiralled downward in that environment. He bounced from one job to another for years and now he is currently in prison for distributing child pornography. (3) My Grandmother imprisoned her daughter her literally imprisoned her son. Unforgiveness can kill us and those around us. See, if we don't let it go it will imprison us and those close to us.
Letting it go.
As I've been dealing with unforgiveness I ran across something that really helped.
1. Matthew 26. You also see the pain of forgiveness before Joseph forgives his brothers and "he wept.., loudly" (Genesis 45:1-2)
2. I'm learning this sort of thing comes with the territory of being a pastor. The trick will be to not become numb or cynical. How can we continue put ourselves out there knowing we will eventually be hurt again? Well, that's a whole other blog. :)
3. You wanna hear the most ironic part of the whole thing? My grandmother talks to my cousin in prison (she thinks he's on the road doing stand up comedy). She has embraced the child pornographer but has rejected the pastor. At least I can laugh about it though, right?
4. Romans 12:19
I have been studying grace a lot the last few weeks. It has significantly changed me. It's softened me. I'm finding myself less inclined to impress God. I've risked being myself and am humbled by who that is. Anyway, I thought I'd share some more stuff I've been learning.
Forgiveness is painful.
Anyone understands that when faced with a betrayal or a hurtful comment and figuring out how to somehow let that go. You see this pain demonstrated best when Jesus was in the garden before being arrested. (1) It's tough to let things go because it just hurts so bad. I would suggest the alternative is even worse.
I recently got burned by someone I thought was a friend. (2) I never saw it coming. It completely blindsided me and has left me spinning for a few weeks now. I've went through a variety of emotions. For awhile I was angry, then confused, and now I'm saddened. I've relived all of the event over and over in my head and the same cycle of emotions just continue. It's amazing how often we can go over betrayals and hurtful moments in our heads. I feel tortured by the transgression. You want to hear the craziest part of it all? I'm positive my "friend" hasn't thought of it once.
Unforgiveness is one sided.
We hold grudges, resentment, and bitterness toward another and the whole time that person is completely unaware. They've moved on. It's not even a blip on their radar. Unforgiveness is a prison for one. We are enslaved to reliving the event and stuck in a cycle of emotions. It holds us captive while the guilty party runs free. If we stay in that prison long enough it will harden our hearts so greatly that we poison those around us.
Unforgiveness kills those around us.
Parts of my family are extremely dysfunctional. My Grandmother currently won't talk to my wife and I because we didn't pay enough attention to her 5 years ago at our 400 person wedding reception. We've tried countless times to reach out to her by sending cards, flowers, and apology letters but none of it has worked. Every time my mom visits her she retells the hurt we caused her.
My Grandmothers other daughter, Valerie, has got to be the most negative person I've ever met. When we were young, my sister and I would sit in the back of her car for hours and play a game. We'd compete to see who would be the first person to make Aunt Valerie say something positive. We'd talk about the weather or family or her hobbies and we would go hours with her without hearing a single positive comment. She would almost always revert to telling us some story about her crappy ex-husband or how her work has been mistreating her.
Aunt Valerie's only son, Billy is a sarcastically funny guy. We used to have a lot of fun together. But he slowly spiralled downward in that environment. He bounced from one job to another for years and now he is currently in prison for distributing child pornography. (3) My Grandmother imprisoned her daughter her literally imprisoned her son. Unforgiveness can kill us and those around us. See, if we don't let it go it will imprison us and those close to us.
Letting it go.
As I've been dealing with unforgiveness I ran across something that really helped.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written:
"It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. (4)
See, I can let it go because I believe God is in control. God knows what's best for my "friend" better than I do. God will do what's right. God has got it handled. I'm learning that forgiveness happens when I trust God. Forgiveness is an act of faith. I can escape this prison because God sees everything and He will be just. I don't have to keep this poison in my heart any longer. My God is in control.
So I can't pretend to understand the pain you've been through. I can't comprehend how you've been hurt. I can only tell you that prison life is lonely. It is cruel and unending. I've decided to leave. I forgive my friend. I'm letting it go. For the sake of my family and those close to me. Because of a God that will do what's right. Life is much better out here in the sun.
Care to join me?
1. Matthew 26. You also see the pain of forgiveness before Joseph forgives his brothers and "he wept.., loudly" (Genesis 45:1-2)
2. I'm learning this sort of thing comes with the territory of being a pastor. The trick will be to not become numb or cynical. How can we continue put ourselves out there knowing we will eventually be hurt again? Well, that's a whole other blog. :)
3. You wanna hear the most ironic part of the whole thing? My grandmother talks to my cousin in prison (she thinks he's on the road doing stand up comedy). She has embraced the child pornographer but has rejected the pastor. At least I can laugh about it though, right?
4. Romans 12:19
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1 comment:
Hey Kyle,
Thanks for your comments. Very timely for me. I'll have to spend some time seriously chewing on what you wrote here.
Hope you're well!
Tiffany
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