Okay With Losing.

I've gotten better at losing. Don't get me wrong, it's been a really long road. There was a time when I had to take a break from cards because I'd get so angry when I lost. I think I hurt friendships and lost the point. You should have seen me growing up on the basketball court. I swear, I think we'd spend more time arguing over a foul then we did actually playing.(1) To me, winning the argument was just as important as winning the game. I gave no ground. I debated ruthlessly. I was really good at it.

Ask my wife. I figured out a long time ago, if I really wanted to, I could win any argument. I have the ability to be horribly manipulative. I can twist the situation in just the right way and anticipate opposing view points in such a way that I would leave her speechless. You know how there's some people that always think of something afterwards of what they should have said? Well, I'm not that person. It comes to me in the moment and I can deliver it with the greatest of conviction. I'm not just tooting my own horn here. Ask anyone that's close to me and they'll tell you. I hate to lose, and there have been times when I've won at any cost.

Thankfully, those times are fading away. One nail in my winning coffin came late at night. It was early in our marriage and Laura and I were arguing.

She was tired and I was wide awake.
She was hurt and I was winning.
She was right and I didn't care.

When it was all over, I stood in the doorway of our bedroom relishing my victory. Laura sat on our bed defeated, with her head downcast, and softly crying.

I'll never forget the tears rolling down her face and splashing softly onto the bed.

It was then that things started to really change.

I'm learning you can win an argument and at the same time lose so much.

Evangelical Christian Are Winning

Lately, I've been noticing a growing trend in Christianity that disturbs me. We've turned the message of Jesus into a list of issues. We all choose sides on these issues and that puts us in certain categories. Then we debate on which category is the best. We storm the capitol in order to hold on to our turf. We engage in culture wars so we can defend God's reputation. We charge bravely into debates. We read the Bible to find bits of information that can support our stance. We find churches that want to win as badly as we do. We turn people into problems to be solved. We love with an agenda. We discredit other's beliefs. We turn honest seekers into offended rejects. We threaten with hell. We label and discard. We hide and huddle every Sunday.

And We're Winning...

Glory to God, the battle is ours!

But at what cost?

Will we look back one day and realize all that we've lost?
We won the argument but lost respect.
We did not allow the law to be passed but rejected an entire group of people.
We proved another's beliefs wrong and allowed our belief to look unattractive.
We won! And limited God's grace in the process.

When will Evangelical Christians learn what I learned that one terrible night with Laura?

Our desire to win must never come at the cost of compassion and grace.
Our victory must never substitute the respect and relationship of another.
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?"(1)

Perhaps losing isn't so bad after all.



1. Shout out to Jeff, Ryan, Ben, Billy, Mike, and Todd. Do you guys remember those days? Those summers were the best! American Gladiators, Eggos, and then all day B-ball! Man, I wish I would have learned how to use my left hand.

2. Mark 8:36